Beloved Friends,
Cathy and I just returned from spending Thanksgiving with our children and newest granddaughters, Margot and Claire. Cathy and I are feeling so much gratitude for the blessings of family and community. These are blessings we do not take for granted. Our children truly enjoy being together and do not wait for us to gather the family. I pray that Margot and Claire build the same loving and strong bonds that their parents, Aunts, and Uncle enjoy.
We know that this is not always the case. Sadly, there is strife that can arise in any family. In most cases this is avoidable. I believe that this is why the Torah puts so much emphasis on the mitzvot devoted to strengthening family bonds. I believe that this is why the Torah shares so many stories of family strife and the devastating effects of such strife. To be sure, there are shining moments too.
In this week’s Torah portion, Vayishlach, Jacob comes face to face with the consequences of his past bad behavior. His twin brother Esau is on the horizon with a mighty host. Jacob is justifiably terrified at the prospect of meeting up with his brother after 20 years. Jacob cheated his brother of his birthright inheritance as well as stealing the blessing of the firstborn meant for his older brother, Esau. The last thing Jacob hears before he flees is that Esau seeks to kill him.
Now, Jacob fears Esau will fulfill the promise. Jacob makes a plan. First, he sends his messengers with gifts to appease his brother. Then he divides his camp in two sending them in separate directions thinking that if one is attacked, the other might well escape. Lastly, Jacob prays for deliverance from his brother’s wrath.
From last week’s Torah portion, the rabbis paint the brothers starkly as good versus evil. Jacob is the one through whom the covenant will pass, not Esau. Rebecca is told that the pain she is experiencing before their birth represents an eternal struggle. This struggle though, is not just the eternal struggle of one brother against another. No, more importantly, it is the struggle that resides within each of us. The struggle to choose well, to do what is just and right, to build relationships of blessing.
Before he can meet up with his brother, Jacob must confront himself. He has a dream that seems very real. He wrestles with an angel in the middle of the night. He is transformed physically and spiritually. Jacob becomes Yisrael, the one who struggles for meaning. He also awakens with an injury that will cause him to limp for the rest of his life, causing him to strike a more humble posture.
It is only now, with the dawn of a new day, that Jacob is able to face his brother and reconcile himself with the person he has been and the one he hopes to be. This is a turning point in Jacob’s life, in Esau’s life, and in their relationship. The brothers meet in a tearful embrace.
The animosity that separated them for so many years evaporates as tears stream from their eyes. All is not forgotten but appears to be forgiven in that moment. There is a new chance for a new beginning for these brothers.
Family is tricky and relationships are often fraught. This week’s Torah portion reminds us that if it can be broken, it can be fixed. Jacob and Esau are able to repair and restore a relationship torn asunder. They provide us with examples of both the destruction that can be wrought and the repair and healing that are ever-present possibilities.
As I looked into the beautiful faces of my granddaughters, I saw infinite possibilities and blessings. I know that their bond will be strong and pray for each of them the wisdom and the strength of character to celebrate each other’s successes and forgive each other’s failures.
Cathy and I are so very grateful to all who have reached out by phone, text, email, and snail mail with good wishes and Mazel Tovs.
May this Shabbat find us reaching out to one another, reaching out to family with open and forgiving hearts.
Shabbat Shalom,
